Thursday, November 13, 2008

Snow and shipping containers

Hola, amigos. How's it going with you? I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya. I have been neglecting my online life, but I guess I have been staying busy with off line life.

Now that I have straightened out the "blue job" in the minds of a few of my pilots it was time to tackle other important issues. I don't often have to search long for new subjects. Often I find they present themselves... Like earlier this week... innocently... always out of the blue... like a child asking her parents if Santa is real...

I got this question:

"Mr Teacher, is wrestling real?"

How can you answer that question? The guy that asked really likes pro-wrestling. I couldn't break his heart, so I paused to think about the best way to answer this cosmic inquiry. Before I could answer, the guys broke into two viament camps. One clamming that it must be real! With training and good food, they could do all that! The other half arguing, it must be fake because no one can take a folding chair hit to the head. Good arguments on both sides...

The whole thing reminded me of a few discussions I have had in my past... (Most of them in the All Saints Church/middle school parking lot.) After a few moments heated debate, they turned to me to settle this discussion.

The only way I could answer the question was by asking a question.

me: "Are the Olympics real?"

them: "Yes..."

me: "Do they have wrestling in the Olympics?"

Them: "Yes..."

me: "So... what do you guys think?"

Them: "if she weighs as much as a duck, she must be a witch!"

me: "right!"

Them: "So... BURN THE WITCH!"

(I really did get asked if pro wrestling was real... but we didn't conclude that if she weighs the same as a duck, she is a witch... but things are weird here so I just wanted to explain, it would have been plausible either way.) I am just glad that we don't have any folding chairs around in case someone wants to advance human knowledge through experimentation the same way my cousins and I checked on some of the moves from "Karate Kid"... as well as Mr Meiagie's hand rubbing healing techniques.

....Break Break....

This little guy is a tomato plant I found growing naturally along the side of the road. Until it snowed, the tomatoes looked really good.

....Break Break....

So there I was... I had a brown out training sortie planned for yesterday. (basically, I take the helicopter and some students to somewhere that has shitloads of dust, then land on the dust, practicing how to land without balling it up from not seeing anything but the inside of a giant dustball.) Now given that it has rained once in the last 5 month here, I didn't think it would be a problem finding some dust to train in... but as Murphy does around here, he showed up and it was raining and snowing before we even took off. It was only light showers, but still... it seemed that I might be out of luck for blowing dust up when it is wet. What the duce! Is it really possible that the one day I want dust I can't find it?

Luckily not! Afghanistan came through and I had no trouble finding plenty of dust to blow up in the air. Something happened that I hadn't thought through all the way. It can be a lesson to all. So, let's say you fly through a rain shower on your way to a brown out. Rain is no problem, just close the window. Good idea anyways for the up coming dust. Then down into the ground.... Pooff! The world turns brown, cant see anything, but amazingly you are on the ground safe and sound. Yea! still upright and alive. So far so good. Now for the take off. In comes the power, the brown around you darkens as you blow more and more dust up. All is to be expected. This is an instrument take off anyways... "50 meters" call from the other pilot... your peripheral vision should be picking up the real horizon now, why don't you see out side? Are we still in the dust?

A momentary glance out.

What? You have got to be shitting me! The windshield is the transparency of wax paper!

The wet windshield from the rain was fine, until you landed in the dust. All the dust then stuck to the wet glass and now you have a coating of mud to look through! Unbelievable!!! so what do you do? You can't run the wipers, then the plexiglass will be so scratched you will never see through that windshield again... No problem! Open the side window and just fly a little sideways! Easy enough. It is like driving a car with your head out the side when your windshield fogs up from an antifreeze leak in your heater core. But you can't go home yet, you have a whole training sortie to get with these guys. It isn't like you can clean it with the washer fluid, as a helicopter doesn't have such a feature. Another problem... You have never been above swerving into the splash from an oncoming semi when in the winter when the car windshield gets covered in salt. It is usually just wet enough to let me clean a hole to see through... but what is the airborne equivalent of a semi truck?

Hey! is that another rain shower? Close the window, fly into it! Excellent! Like a natural helicopter wash! We could do this all day! Problem solved!

We landed, the maintenance guy look and immediately started yelling! "What is he saying?" I ask the other pilot.

"He asks did you go to school to learn this? Do you plan on planting potatoes on this helicopter?" (apparently it was still a little dirty...

....Break break...

I have seen some amazing things done with shipping containers around here. And, I know that american companies are some of the best at marketing in the world. Leave no markets untapped! right? It was only a mater of time until their powers combined to form:

The mobile tactical fast food restaurant! You can install one of these babies anywhere on the surface of the planet in under 24 hours! I like to think of it as another tool in the arsenal of American world dominance! An authentic italian place is no match for one of these babies! Just install it at night right in front of the door to Italy! We will own the country in a week!


Gams said...

a of all: SHE'S A WITCH! oh man, that got a bitch. hoo fuckin' ha!

b of all: imagining a pro-wrestler as santa, right now. pine tree TAKE DOWN!

c of all: shipping container restaurants : italy :: pro wrestling : UFC

the word i'm required to type in order to post this is "mianc". only one transposition away from manic. fabulous.


amateur.sophist said...

shit dude... those questions about sex were one things but the legitimacy of professional wrestling?

You're dealing with some heavy duty stuff man. Best of luck.

Remember, we're all counting on you.