Thursday, January 15, 2009

It wasn't me.

The news is apparently out that we lost a helicopter today. Since I will be out of contact for the next few weeks I didn't want anyone to read it in the news, write me an email, get no responce, then pore out some good booze in my name.

Drink your beers and scotches... don't "pore one out for me."

MY guys are fine, as am I... We canceled our flight this morning because of weather.

Monday, January 12, 2009

The worms craw in, the worms crawl out...

I was talking to one of the camp doctors. We got onto the subject of anti-malaria medication. In his opinion, malaria is by far not the most prevalent problem around here. Apparently the biggest thing going on around here is intestinal parasites... yep... that's right... WORMS!


So... as it turns out, most of the time they are fairly asymptomatic. Some might rob you of nutrients and some might make your anus itch... but most people that have them, would actually never know it. I was thinking about the possibility that I might have tiny worms living inside me. Even though I am not building sandcastles along the open suers, I am still pretty exposed to local water, people, and food... I have somewhat resigned myself to the fact that I probably have "parasites" living in me right now.

At first it seemed a little gross. Dude! There could be worms in me... freaking WORMS! I think it was put best by "The Vegetable" yesterday when he said, "the best thing about worms is that you can't get them from sex... otherwise I would be a monk."

But, I have been getting used to the idea after talking to that doctor. I kind of have started to think of them like little internal pets! I want to catch one and look at it. I will say though... even though they are kind of growing on me, I still like to mess with them! How do you mess with your worms you might ask?

In fact, my habit of eating food as spicy as I can around here may even make it too uncomfortable for them to live in me. Who knows... maybe they all moved out! To be honest, I would really like to get my worms drunk!

For those of you who might come in contact with me after I get home, don't worry... De-worming is one of the standard procedures for people returning from a deployment from around here. From what I understand... you get off the plane, they shake your hand, (then they wash theirs), then they give you the de-worming pills.

Not only am I building a nation... I like to think I am also building the most impenetrable immune system every know!

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Some Kiwi Huey guys made this excellent video obviously to make fun of the pointy nosed jet dudes. Thank god helo guys aren't like this in real life!

Sunday, January 04, 2009

Last night!

So there I was...

Sound asleep having wacko dreams in there own right, when...


My bed was shaking back and forth, everything was rattling around. The whole container was bouncing back and forth.

Laying in the darkness my half asleep mind was instantly awake and turning in overdrive... (though fully awake due to a shot of adrenaline... it was still a mind confused by being instantly awake in a dark, loud, shaking shipping container.)

I vocalized my first thought to my still sleeping roommate, "Dude, do you hear that! We are fucking under attack!"

His responce, "wwwwhhhaaaa.... narf narf..." (apparently his still fully SLEEPING mind was not bothered by a roommate yelling "we are fucking under attack." I said it again more forcefully and it was acknowledged by a "...really?" and nothing more.

I listened a moment, then made this decision, "Fuck this shit, I am staying in bed." I then rationalized this decision with these supporting thoughts, "well... I am on the inside of the building... It sounds like just mortars, I'll get up for gunfire... we don't have a real bunker to go to anyways... besides that, it is snowing and dark outside so the bad guys probably can't see what they are shooting at tonight... besides all that, if it was serious the Belgians would would put on the god damn sirens!" A few moments later, my container stopped shaking and I fell back asleep.

The next morning I woke up and vaguely remembered being a little spazy in the middle of the night. If something really had been happening, I am sure it would be obvious... yet everything seems normal. I figured I must have just woken up from a bad dream I had in the middle of the night. Whatever, no problem.

Then It occurred to me to ask some other people if they remembered anything.

As it turns out this was what had happened.

We have had a few earth quakes here in the past 8 months but this was definitely the biggest and longest. When they happen and I am with the Afghans, they instead of going outside their crumbling ancient buildings... sit and repeat over and over, "Allah Akbar." (God is the Greatest) I find this reaction just as strange as they find mine. (I go outside the crappy ass buildings until the shaking stops.) But so far we are all still here so I guess both reactions produce the same result...

The good news is that even with all the snow and rain we have been having combined with almost everyone in this country living in mud huts... I haven't heard of any major damages or injuries. Allah Akbar!

And of course, I am sure you have all thought of the biggest lesson to take away from this story. Yes, that's right... "my roommate is a sound sleeping motherfucker, so I can wack-off like a adolescent chimp and not worry at all about waking him up!"