Friday, April 10, 2009

Czech Microbiologist... I have samples!

Ok, so there is one aspect of life here that I have been neglecting... that's right. "The Women of KAIA!"

Realistically the Guy to Girl ratio around here is approx 2000 to 1. I know what the Tech, AFA, and Malmstrom vets are thinking... "I have seen worse."

True.... whatever... don't interrupt my story here.

So, there are two main contingents that brought their women to war, Belgians and Czechs. The Belgian women are mostly aloof and understand themselves to be the local version of sliced bread. Obviously, no use talking to them. The second group is the Czech women. The excellent thing about former eastern block women is that their men still treat them like garbage... so American style friendliness makes you the nicest guy they have ever met.

So there I was... Talking to this czech hottie. Turns out she is a microbiologist. (in czech accent: Meek-row bee-ologeest) No use fighting it, the czech accent from a women fries my brain ever since I was 14. (Yea... I was only 14) Anyways, this woman is here to czech on water and air quality around the country. (notice scientist style pun) She is here to check on coalition water... but I have some serious questions about some of the water that I drink everyday with the Afghan Army.

I would say that Afghanistan probably has the worst environmental stewardship of any place on the planet. Living in an industrial park/former soviet airfield makes it even worse. Between the air being full of toxic smoke and dried fecal mater and the water being a combination of parasites, bacteria, and fuel contamination, it is no wonder that the average age of death around here is 44. Thank god for the wars otherwise cancer and disease would be rampant!

The same way ER nurses like trauma victims, microbiologist get turned on by nasty water. For a woman with a Czech accent, I know where to find some nasty water around here! I have been very curious about the water from the old Afghan army base anyways. Let me describe this water. It comes out of a hand pump just south of the airfield. When it sits in the cup, there is a fuel oil sheen on the top of the water. I can usually deal with that... I have drank enough gasoline working on my cars that that is no longer a concern for me anymore... but it is the fact that if you let it sit for a while in your cup, it forms sort of a gelatinous film on top that makes me concerned.

Science: It works bitches!

Results to follow...


Alana said...

You might not want to know the results on the water. Or perhaps you have grown a super human immune system because of it.

ΕΡΜΕΣ said...

A Harvard economist had a summer house in the Maine woods. Each summer he'd invite a different scientific colleague to spend a week or two. On one occasion, he invited a sexy Czechoslovakian microbiologist to stay with him. They had a splendid time in the country - rising early and living in the great outdoors. Early one morning they went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast. As they went around the berry patch along came two huge bears. The economist dashed for cover. His friend wasn't so lucky and the male bear reached her and swallowed her whole. The economist ran back to his car, drove to town as fast has he could, and got the sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his rifle and dashed back to the berry patch with the economist. Sure enough, both bears were still there. "She's in THAT one!" cried the economist, pointing to the male. The sheriff looked at the bears, and without batting an eye, leveled his gun, took careful aim, and SHOT THE FEMALE. "Whatd'ya do that for?!" exclaimed the economist, "I said she was in the other!" "Yep," said the sheriff, "and would YOU believe a economist who told you that the Czech was in the Male?"

Alana said...

Did you ever get the water results??

Notorious said...

As a mater of fact, I just got the microbiological analysis back today. It showed "Massive Contamination" (wording in the report) by many types of bacteria to include ones that indicate contamination by human fecal mater. I believe that the summary at the bottom of the report says it best:

"Result: Sample of water No. 76 is not suitable for human consumption according to EURO law."

I have to conclude that during my time here I must have developed an incredible immune system! Yea Me! Also, I am most likely a vector for all sorts of disgusting diseases. Anyone that comes in contact with me for the next month will likely contract cholera... and obviously worms. The I haven't gotten back the chemical analysis yet, but the fuel oil shimmer on the top of the water is plenty of indication enough.

Alana said...

Nice report. Believe it or not, a lot of water will have traces of fecal matter in it if it's not sent through the proper filtration system, then it's just too low to detect. One should never take a microbiology class, you never look at the world the same. An upside, you probably do have a better immune system now. I hope that you are wrong about the cholera and worms.

Allison said...

Is it time for an update?