Saturday, August 06, 2016

The legend of Guy and Mitch

So... there I am, sitting in sort of a coffee shop, mostly a gas station in Ft Pierre SD scamming some internet.  I just happen to be on the internet live when I get a message from that says... I see your boat, call me!

I send him a text... turns out he and his best friend did this exact same trip the year previous... in a freaking pontoon boat!

Oddly enough, above Pierre I had heard stories about these two guys from the previous year!  As in... "Shit, that's a pretty good rig you got... most of the time you see fellas in canoes and kayaks... though... I think it was last year, two guys came through on a dang pontoon boat! They made the Corp take that pontoon boat over the dams! hahahah!  Damn the Corp of Engineers..." 

Well, as it turns out, they never did get the CoE to take their pontoon boat over the dams, but they did in fact travel the length of the Missouri River in their pontoon boat!  

Here is their contraption!

This is the story the NEWS did on them before they left.  It is a pretty good and worth your time for the click. It really adds to the toe story I am telling here. Also, they made a documentary of their trip and it will be in film festivals in the next year.  So, all you hipsters that go to film festivals, keep an eye pealed!

Anyways... So I get this call, "Hey!  I want to talk to you!  Meet me at your boat in like an hour!"

Well, Ok then.

So I did...

This is Guy and Mitch.  According to his wife, Guy invented the selfie in the eighties... I would say there is solid evidence for that to be the case.  He is obviously the one taking the selfie of himself with us in the background.  Mitch is the one slapping his head... I probably just explained that I have a 12 inch dick and my boat also used to be able to make itself into its own trailer.

Our first encounter.

Fast forward 26 hours!

There was a lot in-between all those 26 hours, but just assume that men who have done this journey on this river have a sort of bond.  I am pretty sure if Meriwether, William, Mitch, Guy, and myself... maybe even the nerd who wrote "The Complete Paddler" all got together... we would instantly be best friends... or at least be able to commiserate about the Army Corp of Engineers. (even L&C hated those guys)

Mitch was busy with the whole getting married thing, so Guy gave me as much info as he could about the rest of the trip down to St Louis.  Names of helpful people, things not to miss, ways to get around the remaining dams... etc. 

Then, when I got to the bottom of Lake Sharp... Guy just came down with a flatbed and pulled me over the dam himself!  Couldn't have been easier!  Flatbed into the water, schooner onto the flatbed, into the water on the other side, schooner off the flatbed!  Took longer to write it than do it!

It kind of looks weird on there doesn't it...

Well, as we dropped the boat into the river below the dam, we encountered a band of tiny Sioux!  Or a tiny band of tiny Sioux...

(You can be a conspiracy theorist or not... but at the bottom of every reservation there seems to be a CoE dam that has flooded all the farmable land that the reservation used to have... we couldn't be that big of assholes could they... we... they?!? Well.... you look at the map and decide.)

Anyways, these kids were swimming at the boat launch.

After about thirty seconds of talking, I had a whole mess of volunteers to join the crew of the Mermaid.  I was pretty happy with my crew of spiders already... so there were no billets open.

Actually I was a little worried about stowaways.  Shit!  Who wouldn't want to take a boat ride to Florida!  

Guy, super shudder bug, had us posing for the camera in moments.

I know the pictures look calm... but it was kind of madness!  

Apparently the party kept going even after I left.


Anonymous said...

Hey Nick Scott From Lakeside

Give us a jingle when you can 402-388-4444

Thanks Amigo

Mike Quinn said...

Life goes on in Hazen, North Dakota. If you can I need you to send me the part I lent you from my Coleman Stove. We have a renter who will need the stove. Our address is Mike Quinn 317 7th St NW. Hazen, ND, 58545. Hope all is going well

Notorious said...

Consider it on it's way!

Thanks for sending it with me.

WKcpa said...

LOL - Oh the memories of a great trip! This is Wanda, from the kayak group from Parkville, MO. We really enjoyed running in to you on the river. Keep the stories coming. Safe travels my friend.

Notorious said...

Hey Wanda!

Thanks! Will do! Glad you looked me up!

Unknown said...

Finally found you online! It was so nice to have you had with us a month ago. Glad to see you are making progress! Good luck the rest of the way!
Beata... married to Guy The Selfie Guy